I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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