i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
