Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
