Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
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He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
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There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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