What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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