i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
