Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
