biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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