i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
