he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
