you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We're too hungover to prance.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
