i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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