i think i scared a bird with my dick
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So. Much. Porn.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
