So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Sober January is a disaster.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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