if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
