Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
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just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
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After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
And then he peed in my hair
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