It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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