as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
