...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
