the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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