I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize