Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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