I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
