Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
