Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
