Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
