I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
