Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
