dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
