haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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