I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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