Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
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He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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