today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I am one with the molecules
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
