i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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