I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
