i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
