The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
