We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
