Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
