I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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