I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
