Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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