we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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