Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
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