Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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