Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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