I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
