Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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