why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
