WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
my liver is dry heaving
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
