he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's rum buckets o'clock
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
