apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
