I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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