My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
