i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
