I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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